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"The Taliban Song"

"I'm just a middle-aged, middle-eastern camel herdin' man
I got a little, 2 bedroom cave here in North Afghanistan
Things used to be real nice and they got out of hand when they moved in
They call themselves the Taliban
(ooooo yeah the taliban) (taliban baby)

Now I ain't seen my wife's face since they came here
They make her wear a scarf over her head that covers her from ear to ear
She loves the desert and the hot white sand
But man she's just like me, nah she can't stand
The Taliban (ooo taliban baby)

You know someday soon we're both gonna saddle up and it'll be
Ride Camel Ride
My old lady she'll be here with me, smilin right by my side
We should do just fine out around Palestine or maybe Turkmenistan
We'll bid a fair adieu and flip the finger to the Taliban
(oh yeah the taliban) (baby)

I know where you comin from brother!
This is a patriotic love song
So y'all feel free to salute if you want,
You got my permission.

Now they attacked New York City cause they thought they could win
Said they would, stand and fight until the very bloody end
Mr Bush got on the phone with Iraq and Iran and said "Now, you
sons-of-bitches you better not be doin any business with the taliban"
(Taliban baby)

So we prayed to Allah with all of our might
Until those big U.S. jets came flyin one night
They dropped little bombs all over their holy land
And man you should have seen em run like rabbits, they ran
(the taliban)

You know someday soon we're both gonna saddle up and it'll be
Ride Camel Ride
My old lady she'll be here with me, smilin right by my side
We should do real fine out around Palestine or maybe Turkmenistan
We'll bid a fair adieu and flip a couple fingers to the Taliban
(oh yeah, taliban)
we'll bid a fair adieu and flip a big boner to The Taliban (baby)"
 
"Weed With Willie"

I always heard that his herb was top shelf
Lord I just could not wait to find out for myself.
Well don't knock it till you've tried it.
And I've tried it my friend.
I'll never smoke Weed with willie again!

Now we learned a hard lesson in a small Texas town
He fired up a fat boy and he passed it around
The last words I spoke before they tucked me in
I may discount Bungee jump but,
I'll never smoke weed with Willie again.

[Chorus:]
I'll never smoke weed with Willie again
My party's all over before it begins
You can pour me some Old Whiskey River my friend.
But I'll never smoke weed with Willie again

We hopped on his old bus the Honeysuckel Rose
The party was Huntsville, it was after the show
Alone in the front lounge, just me and him
I took one friendly puff and the grim creeper set in

[Chorus]

Now we're passin' the guitar, we're tellin' good jokes
I can tell one's a comin' 'cause I'm smellin' smoke
No I do not partake I just let it pass by
With a grin on my face and a great contact high

[Chorus]

In the fetal position with drool on my chin
We broke down and smoked weed with Willie again
 
"Honkytonk U"

My grandmother owned a nightclub on the Arkansas-Oklahoma line
Momma put me on a greyhound, and I went
To stay with her in the summertime
I'd box up those empty long necks and stack'em in the back and make
A hand
Then at night she'd let me sneak out of the kitchen and sit in with the band
Yes, I have sacked some quarterbacks and broke my share of bones along the way
I knew it wouldn't
Last forever, semi-pro always means semi-paid
I started climbin' drillin' rig, I'm oil field trash and
Proud as I can be
Then I took my songs and guitar and sang'em to a man from Tennessee

I've played every beer joint tavern from New York city out to Pasadena
Every corn dog fair and rodeo
And sold out every basketball arena
I like to get down with my boys in Afghanistan and Baghdad city
Too
I am a red, white and blue blood graduate of honkytonk U

A star can't burn forever, and the brightest ones will someday lose their shine
But the glass wont
Ever be half empty in my optimistic mind
I'll still have a song to sing and a band to turn it up and
Play it loud
As long as there's a bar room with a corner stage and a honkytonk crowd

I've played every beer joint tavern from New York city out to Pasadena
Every corn dog fair and rodeo
And sold out ever basketball arena
I like to get down with my boys in Afghanistan and Baghdad city
Too
Son I'm a red, white, and blue blood graduate of honkytonk U
That's right a red, white, and blue
Blood graduate of honkytonk U
 
"As Good As I Once Was"

She said, "I'e seen you in here before."
I said, "I've been here a time or two."
She said, "Hello, my
Name is Bobby Jo
Meet my twin sister Betty Lou
And we're both feeling kinda wild tonight
And you're the only cowboy in this place
And if you're up for a rodeo
We'll put a big Texas smile on
Your face"
I said, "Girls,"

[Chorus]
I ain't as good as I once was
I got a few years on me now
But there was a time back in my prime

When I could really lay it down
And if you need some love tonight
Then I might have just enough
I ain't as good as I once was
But I'm as good once as I ever was

I still hang out with my best friend dave
Ive known him since we were kids at school
Last night he
Had a few shots
Got in a tight spot hustlin' a game of pool
With a couple of redneck boys
One great
Big bad biker man
I heard David yell across the room
"Hey buddy, how 'bout a helping hand."
I said, "Dave,"

[Chorus]
I ain't as good as I once was
My how the years have flown
But there was a time back in my prime

When I could really hold my own
But if you wanna fight tonight
Guess thouse boys dont look all that
Tough
I ain't as good as I once was
But I'm as good once as I ever was

I used to be hell on wheels
Back when I was younger man
Now my body says, "You can't do this boy"

But my pride says, "Oh, yes you can

I ain't as good as I once was
Thats just the cold hard truth
I still throw a few back, talk a little smack
When I'm feelin bullet proof
So don't double dog dare me now
'Cause I'd have to call your bluff

I ain't as good as I once was
But I'm as good once as I ever was
Maybe not be good as I once was
But I'm as good once as I ever was
 
"She Ain't Hooked On Me No More"

[VERSE 1]
I gave up on cigarettes to the day, I ain't touched one yet
But tonight, I think I'm gonna burn the whole pack.
I laid off 90 proof, ain't had a drop in years and that's the truth
But tonight, when I light the first one, I'm gonna open up the Jack

[CHORUS]
She ain't hooked on me no more
She ain't hooked on me no more
The one thing that always hurt her the most
Is the one thing she finally quit fighting for
She ain't hooked on me no more
She ain't hooked on me no more
I'm pickin up all my bad habits again
She's letting one go

[VERSE 2]
For years she had it real bad
I was the only addiction she ever had
Her love made me so high, but I abused it.
And here I sit all alone tonight
Whiskey on the rocks and more cigarettes to light
Holdin on to everything I've got left, hopin I don't loose it.

[CHORUS]

She ain't hooked on me no more
She ain't hooked on me no more
I'm pickin up all my bad habits again
She's letting one go
Yeah, I'm pickin up all my bad habits again
She's letting one go
 
"Big Blue Note"

See that big blue note over there on the counter
You Don't want to read that thing man, it's a real getcha downer
But don't you dare say nothin else bad about her
She's gone

No,no,no,no don-don't throw it away
'Cause tonight I might need it
It gets real lonely around here at night sometimes, and I have to reread it
Besides you can show it to the boys downtown, and they won't believe that,
She's gone

[CHORUS]
There used to be a time I was all she ever wanted
All the man that she'll ever need
I come home to find just like that she's up and vanished
And the only thing she left behind for me

Is this big blue note folded up in my pocket
Yeah don't laugh, it's been two months I still got it

Sometimes I have to read the sucker twice
Just to make sure I ain't forgot that
She's gone

You know my psychiatrist said, "Tell me what do you see
When you look at these inkspots of reds and yellows and green?"
You know, I looked at them all, but all they looked to me like
Big blue notes

[CHORUS]
There used to be a time I was all she ever wanted
All the man that she'll ever need
I come home to find just like that she's up and vanished
And the only thing thats left to do for me

Is stand high on this cliff overlooking the sea
With my big blue note paper airplane that I just set free
And I'm gonna wait here a few more minutes, and if it don't come back to me
You guessed it
She's gone

Crash landin
Bye, bye, baby
 
"Just The Guy To Do It"

Do blondes really have more fun
Or they just easier to spot in the dark?
Girl, I'm just tryin' to cheer you up
I saw you sittin' over here all alone, with a broken heart
It's hurtin' you real bad, wish there was somethin' that I had
I'd hook you up, get you through it
You might need a man to hold you 'til it don't
I'm just the guy to do it

Is that your pretty boy standin' there at the end of the bar
He's got some nerve
Talkin' loud and drinkin' with a red head ridin' shotgun on his arm
He's such a jerk
I think he's a knucklehead, all those ugly things he said were out of line
Man, he blew it
He might need someone to put him in his place
I'm just the guy to do it

Baby, I can't mend your broken heart
I can't take away your pain
I can't promise you the sun is gonna shine when you're walkin' in the rain
If you need a hero for tonight, I can be the one, let me prove it
Yeah, you just say the magic words and we'll be gone
I'm just the guy to do it

Baby, I can't mend your broken heart
I can't take away your pain
I can't promise you the sun is gonna shine when you're walkin' in the rain
Oh but if you need a hero for tonight, I can be the one, let me prove it
Yeah, you just say the magic words and we'll be gone
I'm just the guy to do it

Do blondes really have more fun
Or are they just easier to spot in the dark?
 
"She Left Me"

Her bags are packed and waitin' for someone to come and pick'em up outside
ah yeah i dont know
where they come from, man, i aint seen that much luggage in my life
she was always bad about leavin'
especially every time i done her wrong
this time she mihgt be through believin' me
yeah, this time
she might be good as gone, gone, gone

[chorus]
we'd still be together, but she left me
id got mad about it, but it never did upset me
she'll
remember me until the day she forgets me
wed still be together, but she left me

she took everything i had execpt some change that she left in the ashtray
i guess i got that going
for me if i plan on looking at it that way
she loaded up my boat and my motor
she took off with my
guitar and my guns
i heard she ran away with my best friend jake
and i know im gonna miss him when
its all said and done

[repeat chorus 2X]
 
"Knock Yourself Out"

If you wanna go back to him, baby, get up and go
im tired of being a clown caught up in your
sideshow
night after night it never ends
its like a heavyweight fight nobody wins
and im throwin'
in the towel, enough is enough

[chorus]
Knock yourself out, break me in two
you gotta go do what you gotta do
i gave you my best shot, but
you didnt fall
head over heels in love after all
i dont wanna hear no more, baby, theres the door

theres nothin left to fight about
knock yourself out

oh, lets not pull any punches while we're standin here toe to toe
if you're gonna leave me here,
baby go on, go

[repeat chorus]

oh knock yourself out

if you wanna go back to him, baby, get up and go
 
"You Ain't Leavin' (Thank God Are Ya)"

Till death do us part is what she told that preacher man
Now she says this ain't worth dyin' for
She's had all she can't stand
She's boxed up momma's china, it's loaded on the truck
She's just got started packin, and I'm thinkin' this could suck
Now there goes my Lay-Z Boy and my flat top guitar
Here comes her big sister, what's she doin' in my car
As they drive off to the city I just waved
From the top of my lungs I hope she heard me say.

[Chorus:]
You Ain't Leavin' Thank God Are Ya
You can't be gone fast enough
What seemed to take a lifetime just left in a cloud of dust
This'll make my girlfriend happy she's the one
That never thought you would
You Ain't Leavin' Thank God Are Ya
Let us pray you're gone for good.

She forgot her new laptop, so I know she'll be back
I'll have a hot tub full of hotties, icein' down a 24-pack
She'll cuss me like a sailor, but I don't care
I'll have a few choice words when I come up for air.

[Chorus:]
You Ain't Leavin' Thank God Are Ya
Let us pray you're gone for good.
 
"I Got It Bad"

I got it bad
i got it blue
i got it sad
i aint got you
i did you wrong
you got the right
look
what i had
i got it bad

gone and left me lonely cryin' like a fool
i just cant belive love could be so cruel

i got it bad
i got it blue
i got it sad
i aint got you
i did you wrong
you got the right
look
what i had
i got it bad

i know someday ill get on my feet again
ill get over you but baby, until then

i got it bad
i got it blue
i got it sad
i aint got you
i did you wrong
you got the right
look
what i had
i got it bad

look what i had
i got it bad
 
"Your Smile"

Now those might be the saddest,
Big 'ol baby blues I ever seen.
How did I know, you'd been cryin'?
Baby, you got make-up runnin' down your cheek.
You're just a Queen lookin' for a crown,
Lost when you stumbled over some silly clown.

Take that frown,
Turn it upside down,
'Cause you never know who might be,
Fallin' in love with your smile.

A broken heart that's on the mend,
Takes a little time, I realise.
An' right now you wouldn't know,
True love if it looked you in the eye.
Girl, I did my best; I really tried to make you grin.
An' before I say goodbye, I'm gonna tell you again.

Take your frown,
Turn it upside down,
Oh, you never know who might be,
Fallin' in love with your smile.

[Instrumental Break]

Take your frown,
An' turn it upside down,
Oh, you never know who might be,
Fallin' in love with your smile.

Those might be the saddest,
Big 'ol baby blues I ever seen.
 
"Where You Gonna Go?"

June fell for Johnny on the Forth of July,
As the fireworks popped in the summer sky.
With a spark in her eye, she just there an' stared,
As his face lit up to the rocket's red glare.
An' by September, she'd asked him for a weddiing band.
How could she know he was a ramblin' man.
He walked out the door in the dead of the night.
An' a sleepy voice whispered, as he turned out the light:

"Where you gonna go?
"What you gonna do when you get there?
"Who you gonna call when your road runs out at the sea?
"Oh, you're never gonna find,
"Someone who loves you like I do.
"If you get tired of runnin',
"You can turn around an' walk back to me."

He called up to tell her he missed her a lot.
Texas Panhandle was as far as he got.
He'd run out money, he'd run of luck:
He'd run out of gas in his pick-up truck.
"Hitch a ride, catch a train or a Greyhound bus,
"'Cause there's a baby on the way an' that makes three of us.
"An' I need you here beside me, I can't go it alone,"
She told him one more time then she hung up the 'phone,

Sayin': "Where you gonna go?
"What you gonna do when you get there?
"Who you gonna call when your road runs out at the sea?
"You know, you're never gonna find,
"Someone who loves you like I do.
"When you get tired of runnin',
"You can turn around an' walk back to me."

An' the years just seemed to roll on by them.
She missed him more an' more every day.
An' that boy grew up to look and act just like him,
An' she knew some day soon he'd be old enough to fly away.

An' she'd say: "Baby, where you gonna go?
"What you gonna do when you get there?
"Who you gonna call when your road runs out at the sea?
"You know, you're never gonna find,
"Someone who loves you like I do.
"When you get tired of runnin',
"You can turn around an' walk back to me."

"If you ever get tired of runnin',
"Turn around an' walk back to me."
 
"You Caught Me At A Bad Time"

I don't need this conversation
'Cause I don't need to see you cry
You need one more confirmation
Like I need one more reason why

I know this might not be the answer
Oh, that you came here to get
We both know that girl is somethin'
That I'm still not over yet

I cant go on using you
Girl, it feels like I'm losin' you
A love like yours is hard to find
But you caught me at a bad time

I knew that you'd be waiting
The night I made that desperate call
You weren't everything I needed
Just the softest place to fall

So I'm not gonna lie to you
Just keep stringing you along
Thought by now that I'd be better
But I guess I'm not that strong

And I can't go on using you
Oh, it feels like I'm losin' you
A love like yours is hard to find
You've caught me at a bad time

A love like yours is hard to find
You've caught me at a bad time
 
"Get Drunk And Be Somebody"

Yeah the big boss man, he likes to crack that whip
I ain't nothing but a number on his timecard slip,
I give him 40 hours and a piece of my soul,
Puts me somewhere at the bottom of his totem pole,
Hell I don't even think he knows my name...

[Chorus]
Well all week long I'm a real nobody,
But I just punched out and its paycheck Friday,
Weekends here, good God almighty,
I'm going to get drunk and be somebody
Yeah, yeah, yeah...

My baby cuts hair at a beauty boutique,
Just blowin' and goin' till she dead on her feet,
They walk right in and sit right down,
She gives them what they want and then she spins them around,
Hey I don't think they even know her name...

[Chorus]
All week long she's a real nobody,
but I just picked her up and its paycheck Friday,
Weekends here, good God almighty,
Baby lets get drunk and be somebody
Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Well just average people, in an everyday bar,
driving from work in our ordinary cars,
and I like to come here with the regular Joes,
drink all you want, be the star of the star
of the show

[Chorus]
All week long bunch of real nobodies,
but we just punched out and its paycheck Friday,
Weekends here, good God almighty,
People lets get drunk (lets get drunk!)
All week long we're some real nobodies,
but we just punched out and its paycheck Friday,
Weekends here, good God almighty,
People lets get drunk and be somebody
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
 
"A Little Too Late"

[chorus]
It’s a little too late
I’m a little too gone,
A little too tired of this hangin’ on
So I’m letting go while I’m still strong enough to
It’s got a little too sad
I’m a little too blue
It’s a little too bad
You were too good to be true
I’m big time over you baby
It’s a little too late

No I don’t want to want to talk about what we can do about us anymore
Only time you and me wastin’ is the time it takes to walk right out that door
Yeah talk about water under the bridge,
You should know by now girl that’s all this is

[chorus]
It’s a little too late,
I’m a little too gone,
A little too tired of just hangin’ on
I’m letting go while I’m still strong enough to
It’s got a little too sad,
I’m a little too blue
It’s a little too bad
You were too good to be true
I’m big time over you baby
It’s a little too late

There was a time,
this heart of mine,
would take you back every time
don’t you know
It’s been two packs of cigaretts
a sleepless night
a nervous wreck, a day ago.
Now you ain’t got no business coming around
I’m closing up shop
Shuttin’ us down

[chorus]
It’s a little too late,
I’m a little too gone,
A little too tired of just hangin’ on
I’m letting go while I’m still strong enough to
It’s got a little too sad,
I’m a little too blue
It’s a little too bad
You were too good to be true
I’m big time over you baby
It’s a little too late
I’m big time over you baby,
It’s a little too late
 
"Can't Buy You Money"

I got a sweet little woman at home
She knows that I love her true
I got three little kids at home on the floor
They love there daddy too
I got one on the way and I don’t think I can pay the doctor bill
I never finished paying the last one off
Don’t guess I ever will

So we save it all up for a rainy day
But it’s always sunny
Guess all the happiness in the world
Can’t buy you money

I got an old work truck
It will barely get me to town and back
I try to put in a little over time
But that don’t put in no jack
So I bring it home
Were my baby got my hot supper cooked
Then I lay down and rest my weery bones
Get back up at six

Just workin’ hard in the land of milk and honey
Hey, all the happiness in the world
Can’t buy you money

But if I had plenty
I could keep us afloat
Then in the end if my ship don’t come in
I’d just buy a bigger boat
I ain’t got no money
I’m knee deep in dept
We must be livin’ on love from above
Because we ain’t hit bottom yet

I pick my paycheck up and go strait to the bank
That’s my usual route
Then I go home and pick up the wife and the kids
Because we’re goin’ out
It’s a drive threw window
Pick out a combo super size
Swing on down to the wallmart
Let the kids pick out a prize
My truck broke down at the red light
She thinks it’s real funny
Yes, all the happiness in the world can’t buy you money

So we save it all up for a rainy day
But it’s always sunny
Guess all the happiness in the world
Can’t buy you money
 
"Crash Here Tonight"

I almost said I love you
Could I really be that kind of guy
See one candle burning in your eye
And watch my heart fill up with butterflies
I almost said I need you
Girl I shouldn't go there anymore
Act like I never been in love before
You probably think it's my first time
Is this what love's all about
Am I getting in too deep
Wouldn't want to freak you out
Make a promise I can't keep

So close your eyes and hum along
And I'll sing you one more love song
If everything is still alright
Why don't you just crash here tonight

Close your eyes and hum along
And I'll sing you one more love song
If everything is still alright
Why don't you just crash here tonight

Girl if everything is still alright
Why don't you just crash here tonight
 
"Grain Of Salt"

Yeah when I came to you were standing by the foot of the bed,
I was still hung over, and my eyes were bloodshot and red,
Did you think that things were going to be different?
Did you think you tore my whole world apart?
But as you can see there’s no pain in my head
And down in this old broken heart

[chorus]
I took your leaving with a grain of salt,
Tequila and a slice of lime,
Yeah the minute you left,
Me and the boys went out and had a real good time,
It’s nice of you to check up on me,
Just to see how I was getting along
But I had already gotten over it baby,
Before you were even gone

By now you have observed
I was a little over-served last night,
I need to catch a few Z’s
Baby please turn off that bedroom light,
See the boys are coming by to get me,
We’re going to take our little show into town,
I’ll need my rest cause they’ll be doing there best
To find another (juke joint now?)

[chorus]
I took your leaving with a grain of salt,
Tequila and a slice of lime,
Yeah the minute you left,
Me and the boys went out and had a real good time,
It’s nice of you to check up on me
Just to see how I was getting along,
But I had already gotten over it baby,
Before you were even gone

Yeah I had already gotten way over it baby,
Before you were even gone
Bye now
 
"I Ain't Already There"

She called me on the phone and said come on and get on the plane tonight, pronto
So just like every time king sad cried for help
Here come toto
I guess you run a lover off again
And I can't believe how long its been
I had my fingers runnin through her hair
Only bad thing about it
I ain't already there

Baby I just landed grabbed my bag and hopped a cab
And I'm comin solo
Light a candle, fill the tub, and put on some music that you love
And I'll bring the mojo
Yeah the cabby said he'd drive like heck
If you'd promise me a pony tail
And my favorite secret underwear
Only bad thing about it
I ain't already there

Now its been real and its been fun
Another notch carved in her gun

You know a funny thing when you play her game
What you thought would change just stays the same.

I'll be on this plane to Illinois
She be locked down with some pretty boy
When we touch down in Chicago at o'hare
Only bad thing about it
I ain't already there
Oh no
 
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